THIS summer I got stuck. The stickiness began with a devastating event. An event that first shocked and then struck and then stuck my soul –
Have you ever been caught in some twisted limbo? Stuck ping-ponging between extremes of hot and cold, love and hate, quiet and loud, soft and hard, easy and difficult, fast and slow?
When I started this second season of the Laws of Abundance, I thought it might be easy to use examples from my life about the seven primary Hermetic Principles. AND in some way that’s true, the laws of Hermetics are at work ALL of the time around and within us. But what I found this summer is that I got well – STUCK. (say with emphasis).
I was stuck traveling between poles, between places of polarity.
So polarity is the hermetic principle that says two things – like hot and cold are of the same nature, they just vary by degree. We can see this most easily with hot and cold simply by looking at a thermometer. Both are temperatures that we experience – it is just the vibration of cold is very different from the vibration of hot – but both are experienced and known as temperature. Interestingly enough when cold is at an extreme it can burn us, just as hot at an extreme can burn – the only thing different is how it feels when it is happening.
So let’s extrapolate this to Love and Hate. Both are emotive forces that cause great passion between two individuals. Love is one extreme with its own flavor and degree of passion associated, and Hate is on the other side of the scale, also resulting in a form of passion, albeit usually with a very different result than love when one gives in to it. But both (like hot and cold) are the same in nature, they just differ by the degree.
In my life recently I’ve been on a bit of a teeter totter of polarities. Quiet and Loud as I spent time in the country and the city. Bright and Dark – the light in the Pacific Northwest versus the light in the South or Middle of the United States.
Since I talked to you last my life trajectory, my relationships, my physical locations all shifted. I am literally a different person than I was in May. And in the middle of it I’ve been in a state of agitation, rest, trial, accomplishment, transition and love. I’ve experienced some of my greatest fears, greatest challenges, greatest connections, as well as betrayal and now am on a path to my greatest joy through service! (make sure you add feeling here)
So what happened? The million dollar question…
Well, I went from my one-year anniversary with a person I thought was my life partner to finding out my other half had made the ultimate betrayal.
Some time after our last trip together in April he started another relationship with another woman. For four months he lied to me and kept her hidden. I may have never known if it wasn’t for the other woman reaching out to me in a jealous rage. Needless to say, our relationship is over, and I am dealing now with the polarities of love and hate. Of truth and lies. Of anger and forgiveness.
Im processing many things on the spectrum of my emotions that occur after being so connected and honest with someone – giving them your heart and then finding it tossed aside in their own self-centered choices. However, I still have my own choices. The choice to be angry, to lash out, or even hate!
Betrayal is a very rough feeling – especially after being vulnerable and finally willing myself to trust another. Trust does not come easy to me. It is something I really have had to learn and lean into.
Leaning into the negative vibration now and lashing out because I am wounded however, is not helpful to my life, my purpose, or my mission. Love is the force that, if it flows through me, heals all within me and others. There is a quote about polarity from the Kybalion
“Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.”
Hermetics teaches that things seemingly diametrically opposed to each other is merely a matter of degree.
In other words, opposites are the same in nature, they just differ by degree. AND that degree is created through vibration.
So, in my current situation if I focus on the betrayal, the negative vibration, I bring myself down further. Because victim is not the vibration of love and healing. It is my wounded wailer on repeat – oh woe is me the world is filled with haters and assholes out to harm me. No bueno.
On the other hand, I can focus on the positive about this situation. The clarity, the timing, the way this information came in. In my case my relationship ended the moment I came back to the world from my spirit quest, my initiation as a 3rd step Ritual Master in the Lineage of King Salomon. There were no bones about it. When I went to the mountain I was in a relationship with this person – when I came back it was obvious that I could not be, and that the relationship itself was a hindrance to my purpose and path that I had committed my new self fully upon. It still hurt like hell. But it was clear.
There is the story of the Last Temptation of Christ. And this last temptation for him was one of a Normal Life. Just marrying a lovely girl named Mary and being a carpenter for the rest of his days. Christ chose differently, we all know. He didn’t lead a normal life. He died and left this physical existence and went on to become a Master of Light, teaching us the energy of love and compassion (among other things religions have done in his name but that’s another story).
I am not Jesus (but he did say “everything I can do, you can do and more”)
In June the opportunity to apply to 3rd Step came up. I had not answered the call with a yes before, as honestly, I was VERY attached to my possibility of a normal life and scared to sever my attachments to it. But as 2022 progressed, I was feeling empty from any regular pursuits and knew that being in service to a greater cause than myself was and is my true source of joy and satisfaction. AND as a result, and my guides literally yelling at me to stop dragging my feet. I quote “Angel, stop fucking around!” were the words that came through from them. So I applied, and sure enough was accepted and in August – despite a lot of inconvenience and looks of “why on earth” and “what are you doing” from normal rational people, I undertook the spirit journey that is the 3rd step initiation and have since entered my new life of full commitment to this path. Holding the light of showing others the way to find their own path, light, and true self.
So, the powers that be in the hierarchy of light are not sentimental beings. They saw my commitment, saw obstacles in my path and removed them. OR, at least, gave me the clarity I needed to get them out of my own way. In this case the big hairy elephant and remaining attachment in my living room was my relationship. An albatross eating my energy as I spent so much time holding space for something that could not be contained.
I’m not going to go into specifics of blame, I actually recognize both sides of the energy that resulted in the effects. His choices. My choices. We all have to do our work on ourselves and make our own choices. And in this work, I’m currently choosing love and forgiveness as the means of moving forward. I hold compassion for the jealous woman who turned her anger and harassment toward an innocent person as she clutched to an unsafe relationship and the person who betrayed both of us. And I hold compassion for the man who must self-sabotage and avoid leaning into joy because of his sincere lack of self-worth and insecurity.
I do my best to get out of my own way here and recognize it is now my job and my commitment to hold love despite the severing and betrayal Love flowing through me is the highest vibration I can hold, and living that vibration is the only way to be of service to others.
Looking back at my summer, I can now see how all the all of the discomfort I felt in Seattle and in my own skin was preparation for this. My own intuition was screaming for me to hear it. In this process and the visit to my family in Michigan this summer I have found ways to rest and take care of myself that I hadn’t before and to know that I am destined other places than the city I currently live in. But my movement to new places is unattached to another – it is only attached to my purpose. I made a commitment to work for humanity and the hierarchy of light, I chose the un-normal life. I am in the world but not of it now. And because I can recognize the nature of things, I can choose the degree that I experience polarity in all things – even devastating heartbreak.
If you have difficult things you need to let go of, release or change in your life. Reach out. I can help with that!
The energetic tools of the lineage of King Salomon work and will release even the most painful of wounds if you choose a path of healing.