How Meditation Saved My Life

Just yesterday I had the opportunity to meet with a woman I’ve known since high school.  We, however, spent the last 20 plus years not knowing each other save a scant Facebook post here and there.  But as we were chatting over coffee at a sunny table in South Minneapolis we found out that we were VERY alike, and had many things in common – including suffering from severe anxiety when we were teenagers and young adults.  The only difference is she chose to mask it by joining cheerleading, I chose to be an overachiever, speech and debate champion.  Now, in our 40s we are both living our lives to the fullest, happy and joyful for different reasons but open and willing to connect at the heart.  She reached out to me because she saw me shining in a yellow dress on the internet and was driven to ask me – what was that thing you are doing?

I tell this story not to out my new/old friend but to draw attention to the human condition.  Here is this beautiful woman, who I love and connect with.  It took us 20 plus years to connect because of masks we were wearing years ago.  But we were both choosing those masks in order to survive. Now, mask free we can connect and help each other, and create a genuine connection spirit to spirit.  We can thrive in a space of love and connection. 

We are similar because at a young age we both chose a coping technique to get by.  In my case, my coping technique of over-achiever/control freak almost killed me as it developed into an eating disorder and toxic levels of marijuana and alcohol use.  But I was lucky, at 18 years old I encountered some amazing, compassionate young women who had the courage to share with me their path of meditation through Buddhism and chanting Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō.  Chanting, which physically raised my vibration, brought me to a completely new place in my life.  I was able to relax, I was able to have confidence, I was able to leave my room without abject fear of the world and 8 layers of emotional, mental, and psychological armor.  I started to find things enjoyable in life. I was able to start taking risks, become a spoken word poet, put myself on the stage of life, and grow as a human being through helping people.  

How did I get there? Meditation. The clarity that was brought into my being through actively clearing my mind, made space for me to find a home within myself.  Without this foundational tool, I can’t even imagine the state of my life.

Fast forward 10 years later, my roommate in Seattle shared with me that she was on a spiritual path with an organization called the Modern Mystery School International – and she was studying Universal Kabbalah. Through the use of the Universal Kabbalah method and the tools of the Lineage of King Salomon as taught to her through the Modern Mystery School International, she was able to overcome challenges that previously had her on medication and controlled her life.  

By this time in my life, I was an attorney, I had a strong Buddhist meditation practice, and initially, I didn’t think I needed anything more on my path.  But then I was struggling with health issues brought on by stress, I still had chronic (although way less severe) anxiety and bouts of depression that would stop me in my tracks.  I called these episodes the “I don’t wannas” as I could cry easier than move.  And the only thing that made it better (temporarily) was partying and alcohol, but it was always temporary relief from my self-medication.  I was also chronically co-dependent, had huge self-worth issues, and just didn’t believe in my true power.  Still, from the outside looking in, I’m sure that any of my friends at the time would say that I had it together, I had a good job, a boyfriend, I was enjoying my life.  Which I was but there was still a giant part of me stuck, disempowered, and in a total state of lack. 

I took the Empower Thyself Class and Modern Mystery School Initiation in 2010 and something finally started to click inside me.  The class gave me tools I could add to my daily Buddhist meditation, that enhanced my experience.  I took Kabbalah in 2013 and learned different meditation methods and actually moved into realizing my self-worth.  I launched my legal practice, I published a book of poetry, I started putting myself out there and taking risks, I started traveling more and started a blog.   I left my boyfriend of many years because it wasn’t good enough. I started living and then I moved into service for others and the planet and my world exploded.  

When I say exploded it is because I finally found myself, I started to know myself, love myself, and find the power and clarity, through a daily meditation and self-care practice that pushed me to overcome the places that I for whatever reason didn’t have the energy to overcome before.  I love my Buddhist practice, chanting Nam Myōhō Renge Kyō was a game-changer for me, but I also plateaued and the tools the Lineage of King Salomon offered to me kicked me right off that sticking point, and with compassion and love it pushed me to look at the mountain before me and realize it was a molehill.  

It caused me to clean up my relationships, clean up my relationship with substances, clean up my relationship with money and find a way to be unreasonably positive in all situations of my life.  I am the playwright of my life, and I never experience anxiety or depression anymore, ever.  And because these tools helped me change my life, I happily share them with others. 

Don’t get me wrong the journey has been rocky and sometimes greatly uncomfortable.  I thought I found a life partner to realize I was still co-dependent.  I thought I was valued at my job, to find that I was still allowing myself to be used.  But all of these were lessons that didn’t stop me, but taught me to 1. not do that again or 2. how much I can contribute to the world if fully empowered.  And today I run my own businesses, I am independent, I do not place my value on external circumstances, and I have chosen to step forward as a Guide in the Lineage of King Salomon because these tools (meditation being the #1) taught me how to love myself, value myself, and live as a divine royal being on the planet today.  I am abundant, joyful, and free – and I have immense gratitude for my teachers and the tools of empowerment they gave me.  

I will get into these tools in more detail on this blog as the weeks progress.  But in the meantime please know the power is within you to create a joyful life.  If you are having trouble accessing it – reach out.  I can help with that! 

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