Know Thyself. What does this mean or entail really? In my personal journey on this planet, I started in my teens seeking god thru the Catholic church. I voluntarily went to confirmation classes and studied the doctrine handed down because I felt there was more. I needed there to be more than my flesh and blood body and the mundane existence I saw around me. Without it, there would be no meaning. I read Walt Whitman, smoked pot and recited lyrics from Jesus Christ Superstar, I read books about Buddhism, I tried really hard to be happy but there was something missing.
I then rejected Catholicism because the rules quoted at me were dogma and didn’t make sense. Go to confession and your sins would be erased, but what about cause and effect? I went to confession and a priest told me that the world didn’t need people like me because I didn’t go to church every Sunday.
I turned more inward, used more drugs, partied more, ate less, had sex with whomever just because I could. I tried to be perfect but none of it made me feel better or feel any joy – the world was a nihilistic meaningless place – and the harder I tried the faster I was running on the hamster wheel and the more my anxiety increased. I fixated on food, on exercise, on shrinking and being perfect at the same time, and I was on the road to self-destruction even though I had a great set of masks. Then I found Buddhism and meditation – it forced me or gave me a way to clear the mind chatter, negate the nihilism and find a source within that connects to the greater outside world. I saw myself as a scared little girl afraid to take up space in this world because I believed I wasn’t good enough, and that I was powerless to affect my life.
And so began my real journey – I stepped onto the path of Know Thyself the first time I meditated, as do many who choose to try this option. And for 15 years of my life meditation was enough for me to grow and shift and learn about me and my motivations, desires, fears – but it didn’t (in part because I was not willing, nor did I have the tools) get me to a place where I could start unearthing the causes of my “not good enough” my fundamental belief that I was not worthy of Love, that kept putting me in patterns of codependence, alcohol dependency and escapism. It kept me in an enabling pattern at my work, with friends, with lovers. What changed? What gave me the tools to know myself better and start transforming these deep patterns?
I chose to be initiated into the Lineage of King Salomon through the Modern Mystery School International’s Empower Thyself class and initiation. I didn’t know it at the time but his class and initiation set my life in a completely different direction because it empowered me with tools to start truly knowing myself. It increased the power of my daily meditation and gave me tools I could use every day without dogma and restriction. It gave me a means to start exercising the senses and knowledge that build a foundation for self-love and compassion I needed for myself – so I could learn to love myself as well as know myself.
For me personally, it also reconnected me to the compassion and love of Jesus Christ that I, as a very young person felt. But without the guild and judgment that I felt within the organized religion of the Catholic Church. As a little girl, I told my teachers and the nuns at my Catholic School that I talked to Jesus, and they told me I couldn’t and that I didn’t – this was a crushing point for little me and was likely a major place of shut down that led to my believing I was “not good enough.” But after my initiation, I could look at Jesus now as an example (not a religious symbol) of love and light in the world. Someone who loved and believed in his power so much that he could heal anyone and anything. That kind of love was the love I wanted to feel every day regardless of my outside circumstance.
Initiation and the tools from Empower Thyself gave me the ability to really learn about myself. To feel that learning in my body versus just thinking about things as I did a lot with my Buddhist practice alone. It gave me the ability to be able to tell myself the truth about my patterns, choices and behaviors – so that I could start changing those through my Buddhist practice, and start to take other daily efforts to transform them. Initiation into the Lineage of King Salomon and the Modern Mystery School International also gave me access to the tools of the 10 month Universal Hermetic Ray Kabbalah program which opened up the means for me to value myself, my time, my energy, and to grow healthy boundaries. It gave me a way to find the power in my life to build a thriving law practice and the strength to work for myself (but that is another story for another day).
The journey to know thyself is a gradual, day-by-day practice along a path of self-awareness, self-care, discernment, boundaries, choices and effort. But every minute I’ve put in doing physical, spiritual and mental practices has resulted in beautiful and joyful fruits. I love my life, my work, my family, my partner, my dog, my home, my freedom. Every day I work hard but I have gratitude and joy for the opportunity to live and create my story – I learned how to do this by walking the path of Know Thyself. And this path is open to anyone who desires to engage in it. If you are curious I look forward to talking with you further, reach out for a short consult today to talk about how the Empower Thyself class & Initiation can help you.